25_ Tan Yi-Ching

Surprised your hotel is only 100 bed, with hundreds of people last year to patronize, really surprising. What strange, because most people are looking at a glance. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------精品Ｆ老汉驾车卖瓦盆，高喊精品，美观、结实、实用！一老妪至。 The old man took a hand folded under the banner: "you listen to this voice, clear and loud, sudden musical!, pelvic fractures as second, old and road: you see this fresh, chattering, neat, clean old just smile!, old man, driving to go smoothly to break trough the desert road. Old woman: you put the Bowl pick away, don't put babies ' foot! man laughing: no harm, a rain becomes mud!-------------------------------------------------------------------------------mental illness lien to a mental hospital observation, all patients were standing in the hallway loudly cheered, only a patient expressionless, on this visitor turns ... Lien: the patient why not I say hello ?!? Dean: because he is normal today spirit-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- psychosis a a psychiatric hospital, a patient in writing, the nurse saw very curious asked him: nurses: who do you want to write to the ?? ' patient: write to the me yourself! nurses: you are what ?? ' patient: thy God essence of Ah I haven't receive the how do you know????-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- spirit of confrontation look, yesterday the bus driver staring at me as if I didn't buy tickets. You do? is very simple, I stared at him, as I bought a ticket. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------精神对抗──您瞧，昨天公共汽车司机盯着我看，仿佛我没买票。 -That you do? -very simple, I stared at him, as I bought a ticket. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------精神解放甲：“看来，你最近很高兴？”乙：“可不，我买了台洗衣机。 " Jia:" Oh, liberation of your labor. " B:" no, liberated my spirit! " a.;" liberated spirit? " b:" Yeah, the clothes to wash dirty again, I love it's hunky-dory. "-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Psychiatric patients hospital psychiatric patients often have to doctors or nurses love knot. One day, a female patients came to mounan doctor ... Female patient: Dr. David, you love me ? blue doctor thought for a long time (in order not to hurt patients avoid deterioration) blue doctor: the US is the relationship between doctors and patients, because you are ill so I have to take good care of you ... (In order not to hurt and patient, blue doctor explains half days, finally explained) female patient: Dr. David, you mean you don't love me wow? blue doctor (puzzling silence): uh ... Hmmm ... Hmmm ... Female patients: okay ... I love Dr. Chen ...-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- police and criminals a police escort a prisoner to prison, suddenly his hat was blown away. "I'm going to pick a hat for you?" asked the blandishments of prisoners.Wbr > "you think I'm so stupid?" the police officer said: "are you standing here, I went to pick up" ...-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- police dog sale Mrs. Wang in the newspaper are varieties of dogs for sale, then send a check to purchase. A few days later and found that the dog was weak hybrids, angry phone call to criticize advertising. "This is the door dog ㄚ, nothing like. ”“你也看不出来，对不对？”对方辩解道：“坦白跟你说好了，其实他是一只便衣警犬，很善于伪装身份”--------------------------------------------------------------------------------九福一。 Population of the country. Jamaica, Paraguay, Tunisia, Croatia, Denmark's population less than 10 million, are able to break into the finals, while the country such as China, India, Russia, Bangladesh, Indonesia, etc., but to pick up more than 20 finalist football elite. II. Small area blessed by the State. Croatia, Netherlands, Denmark, Belgium, Paraguay's land area is less than 10 million square kilometres, Jamaica's area or even only 1 million square kilometers, can have elite ride to Paris, Marseille, and even countries such as China, actually you can't land a few green grass. 3. Poor countries ' blessed are the politicians. You are in the international arena has never been the opportunity to compete with the rich, have won in court in battle of things. Take a look at Iran, Argentina. 4. Love football blessed is the man. You to work during this time, also more or taking a NAP is understanding, because your boss at the ball. 5. Do not love football blessed is the man. You can take this opportunity to you in the heart of a woman at this time great Gallant, because all the men who love football is your opponent. Hurry up to it, this is your fourth year there's a chance. 6. Do not love football nor love women and blessed is the man. You as a channel for boring to match live broadcasts, probably was excited to find that the score was still 0: 0, then you would think the game has just begun, or to not fall break moments and hugged. 7. Young woman blessed. Although man is football at hug instead of you, but at the same time as you dispense with the next firsthand the pain of being a mother, in the spring when the mother most likely to fall under various condition. 8. Old woman blessed. Although you never raise sons of hilarious, but also how many explanations will hear Huang, Brazil's "ears" (El), Yugoslav team of the "go" (Krat) or Bulgaria team "g 's" (Cove) is not new, but Russia's "drivers" (Geran) were not able to, or in the summer of this year's Paris is more lively. 9. Most Blessed when few China National football team's players. When the world's eyes are focused on the most outstanding player of the body, not in who will remember your smelly feet. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------Drunk a drunkard, a drinks is unconscious, a morning to call the hotel at home and asked his boss: Hotel open? boss said: I'm sorry to have to wait until later to come in the afternoon. Drunk said: who says I want to come in, I'm going to go out. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------Drinker a doctor in order to explain the disadvantages of drinking, the two bugs in a pretended wine bottle and the one carrying the water bottle. On the wine of the bug soon died, and in the water that was struggling. Doctors to the people around, said: "you see, this is the harmful effects of alcohol. " At this point, the crowd shouted a drinker to:" that's right, drinking man's stomach is not a bug ! " held one year Parrot competition, won the first prize of the parrot called cocoa. He came out from the cage searchingly and shouted: "here's why there are so many parrots?"-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Drunk driving a: careful man car b: Beware of telephone pole c (drunk): why? b: poles will Flash a little story!-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- rescue Daddy a little girl for the first time on the phone to hear the sound of her father, he cried, her mother asked: "children?" and "mother," the girl at the handset said, "How can we put the father from this small cave eyes rescued?"-------------------------------------------------------------------------------fire fighting a young beautiful woman, ask a fireman: "you to help me out of danger, we spent a lot of effort ?" Fireman: "can not, I fight back three firefighters!"--------------------------------------------------------------------------------Uncle uncle to the home to be a guest on the mother, xiaowen, said: "Mummy, I want to go to the Zoo to see the monkeys. " Mother immediately rejected by modern road rage sound:" look at what the monkey? your uncle here, you go to the Zoo! "-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- local a lady illiterate, but like to listen to the radio, the weather forecast every day will listen. One day dinner asked family: "I have a question to ask, you know the local area where there is almost every day of rain. ”--------------------------------------------------------------------------------局长一局长，整日频频忙于赴宴，其有一癖好，收集各个饭店的餐巾。 Napkins and more and more, his wife think throwing a pity, so he made various napkins used underwear. Put on. One day, his wife had a cold, go to the hospital injection, doctor to take off his pants. lift the needle to play, and see their underwear left wrote, "Welcome to taste the" right "good reads" again. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------橘子…… Bob and mother to my aunt's House ... Aunt please Bob eat an orange ... Mother asked Bob .... When people ask you what you want to eat an orange said ... Bob said … Aunt help me Peel oranges ... MOM on the spot ... (Like small balls with the same ... Face black side ...) 加蛋=？这等(台语)--------------------------------------------------------------------------------举一反三子曰：举一隅，不以三隅反，则不复也。 Child road, he asked, corner of arbitrary quadrilateral, known as thirty degrees, then the remaining delta for ? Zi: I'm not saying!--------------------------------------------------------------------------------specific on point Professor is family busy rush to write an essay academic reports. "Dear," he said to his wife: "I pencil where?" and "not being caught in your ear?" his wife answered. "Didn't see my busy stiff, you can't say specifically, what does the clip in pencil ears?", Professor some angry. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------Playwright brokers on playwright said "there's good news and bad news, you have to listen to a ?" playwright said: "Let's talk of good news. " Brokers:" paramount is like your script, and biting. " Playwright said:" the good, the bad news ? " brokers:" paramount is my homeThe dog. ”--------------------------------------------------------------------------------聚餐病孩：“妈妈，发药的阿姨为什么戴口罩？”妈妈：“给你的药很好吃，院长怕她们偷吃了。 " Sick:" it to the knife's uncle wearing masks are afraid their dinner? "--------------------------------------------------------------------------------wonderful love letters someone writes:" my dear, we recently also strangers, can now turn a blind eye to ... "Another complex channel:" Darling, you said so well, I'm blind eye not only for you, but also the writings! "-------------------------------------------------------------------------------trick brother got a very heavy machine guns in the House, because my temper, big brother is always support, to wipe the rifle went next. Because it was pale, a civil war hasn't started, to an end. I can't help but ask big brother: "because you killed her ?" Brother proudly said: "where, she is afraid of me to commit suicide. "--------------------------------------------------------------------------------Terminally ill patient: I do not understand that other doctors say I have an incurable disease, how can you be sure that I will be cured of the disease? doctor: I to undergo a rigorous verification, statistics show: won this one fever is good. Patient: terrible, you say I'll be fine, is lying to me. Doctor: don't be afraid, you but my tenth such patients, the first nine are dead. Such a simple arithmetic problem is you have no answer?-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- military discipline and prostitutes people: you did in the army "prostitutes" ? Army: Yes!! "military discipline" how rows !?? military discipline is very important. People: really! want to pay !?? Army: what kind of money, of course, don't you??!! military discipline is the spirit of our soldiers. People: that's your "prostitutes" from where?? Army: unified handed down from above!!-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- army jokes forces have a habit of calling platoon is first called last name plus a typesetting, to distinguish the two different lines. Ex: Zhang said Zhang, Li said Li Pai ... Oneday, Captain something found Jiang, find a dish to make bird, Captain: Hello! you go to the Chiang Kai-Shek Pai &; forest row. Turnips: Chiang Pai and forest row??? vegetable insect excitedly ran to Zhongshan rooms touched a box of medals, but I can't figure out that a spirit row. suddenly, a haven of chicken, see bed hangs a portrait of Dr. Sun Yat-Sen, spent in a big mistake, thought should be the! so plug in to smile suction of Sun Yat-Sen leaves like with medals, two feet Kiki's run to give the company commander cross ... ｐｓ。 那姓牛的不是叫牛排？--------------------------------------------------------------------------------军中笑话科长交待了一件事。 The result will not do. After a day …. Section head: the pot …. Lieutenant ... Ah ... How do Ah? Lieutenant: report of the Chief of the section. ... I ... I will not. Section head: does? ... You master reading fake ... Ah ... Lieutenant: report of the Chief of the ... This ... Has nothing to do with the qualifications ... Section head: you fucking Hun egg …. Say you talk back to you. Lieutenant: report ... Is true. Section head: bastard ... Double-crossing ... Your mother didn't give your students the asshole is Ah. Section head: fucking forcing ... Do not look at what others have been before. Dapao alsoTo see a movie. Lieutenant: is is. ... Lieutenant thought (less so. Would also like to see a movie .... Your mother was born brother to you. ）--------------------------------------------------------------------------------开刀有一个年轻人不小心吞下了一个乒乓球，急忙跑进医院。 He requires only local anesthesia to soberly operation of the entire process. He saw the doctors surgery, and a knife, a sword, there is confused. "Why did you cut in different places so many passes. "He hurt Gan and disturbed to ask the doctor. "Because of table tennis always within your belly bouncing. ” 医生回答道。 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Open back a little taxi driver: the Chinese road to Oh, 200 a hygiene:! Sorry, can you please get back to that I only take 100!--------------------------------------------------------------------------------open for a long time of knife one day, Pediatric Surgery room are free. Then go to an old age considerable emergency patients. When you open up knife | launched operation room. Just a passing knowledge of the doctor, to see that it says "this knife also opened really long"!-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- fun, caring son: "Daddy, ' happiness ' mean? " father: "' fun ' is very happy. ”儿子：“那么‘关心’一定是不高兴的意思了？”父亲：“：-<”--------------------------------------------------------------------------------开演以后“先生，您迟到了。 "Cinema gatekeeper on a late old man said," the film had begun, I can't let you go in. "" You just put the door a little gap, "pleaded the elderly," I whispered, does not affect others, "" no, "the doorman was very tense," as long as we opened a small sewing, the audience will squeeze out to run away "--------------------------------------------------------------------------------doctor a classmate of colds to doctors in the hospital, he checked carefully, said:" this is an inflammation of the vermiform appendix, to get hospital treatment. " " Doctor, you then find ... " " are you a doctor or I am doctors? " " you is you is, I of cecum last cold just cut off! "-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- movies two Korea people come to Taiwan to learn Chinese, one day they want to go to the movies but they don't know how to buy tickets so they decided to take a look at others buying initially to a military soldiers he said the military vote one the two Korea people want to look at the next people say then came the two students they wear a uniform to conductor said student ticket two tickets for the two Korea trying oh so simple and so to the conductor says" Korea's two! "-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- watch the game one ugly woman watching the game, always like to buy near the basket on the back of the seat, her friend once asked:" near the basket on the back of the horizon is not ? how every time you buy this seat? ugly woman replied: "that's the way I can see a man ran to my"-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- viewed orangutan twin brother Xiao Ming wah's father was a Zoo administrator. On this day with two baby go ape, Bob Xiaohua to look carefully, asks his father to go with them to the Gorilla feeding. Bob: Wow, so many orangutans. Xiaohua: the biggest, the minimum. Bob: doesn't seem to be going up the Orangutan plumage.Wbr > Xiaohua: the air between the DPRK and let's me crack tip yeah! Gorilla a: we come to look at, to eat with two new. Orangutan b: is white. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------考试有一次老师突然说要考试啦！还说时间只有五分钟但只要两分钟就写完了！那知考卷一下来…… Pi snapped up 30 points were calculated ! all the trouble of cool write five minutes later the teacher really rewind! then teacher began swearing because the first row wrote: Please carefully read the examination papers do for! 30th is: only 29 of this volume. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------咳嗽患者：“大夫，我咳嗽得很重。 ”大夫：“你多大年记？”患者：“七十五岁。 " Doctor:" the 20-year-old cough? "in:" do not cough. ”大夫：“四十岁时咳嗽吗？”患者：“也不咳嗽。 ”大夫：“那现在不咳嗽，还要等到什么时咳嗽？”--------------------------------------------------------------------------------可不可以？男孩：我可不可以抱你啊？…… Girls: …. Boy: Hello dear! ... I could hug you? ... Girls: ... The boys see girlfriend silent, odd mold grabbed ... Boy: Hello! ' you are a deaf! how can hold you! girl finally answered: ' you're hand disability!--------------------------------------------------------------------------------terrible son pathetic father has a newborn has a son, a talented young baby. Children born after the talk, also recognize their loved ones. Sadly, the child what a shout their relatives, his relatives died immediately. Children shouting a loud my grandfather, my grandfather is drinking water, immediately be choking water; the children shouting sound Grandma, Grandma are entering the threshold and fell down dead. The boy's father saw the child was not so, watching the children directly evokes the monk, is preparing to flee. I didn't expect a child's eyes scan, open his mouth. Father was trembling. Sure enough, he called the "father". Father heart suddenly sank to the bottom: "I can't die, die and will die in bed!". Father holding his legs up to the bed, waiting for death to come. Ah, Ah, my father, one hour, the results haven't died. Father to a play: "baby, his father!". Father full of publicity. At this point, the neighbor's sister crying to communicate to the father: "my poor husband just good, suddenly let out a shout is somehow!"-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- can be selected a day after meal, waiters come close, I asked him to have a meal beverage can point he said yes, look at the menu selection I'll coffee, my classmates point black tea the waiter said "sorry coffee and tea are gone I asked" is there anything you can choose of? " waiter:" we only orange juice, "I'm a little annoyed me:" you also say you can let us choice? " waiter real cool:" you can choose to either not ... "--------------------------------------------------------------------------------the kind horse -yesterday you riding ? -not too bad. The problem is my horse is too kind. ──太客气了？──是呀。 When riding the fence, it let me past!---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Confucius of Confucius is the world's first open the schools, not only have, even the tutorial fee amount, you can enjoy the benefits are also provided : $ 30 30 stand: pay 30 both can only stand lectures; $ 40 nowned: turn 40 both can ask questions until you no question; $ 50 50 knew her fate: turn 50 both known textual tomorrow; proposition $ 60 plus 60 ear: can price of this, the teacher can tell you like it to you, let your ears clockwise; $ 70 70 heart desires: class to lie to sit or to come to class with you. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------Stuttering once upon a time there were three sisters grow as jades, the only drawback is the three sisters are severe stuttering. A matchmaker entrusted by the King to allow, to confirm whether the stuttering three sisters. Prior to his mother's account to the account of one thousand million tell three sisters matchmakers come not to speak. Match maker can't think how to make three sisters talk, see the gardens of the night Jasmine said your family of chive flowers are really beautiful. Big sister really tempted, he smiled and said: really ... Really ... Really funny, night ... Night ... To ... To smell was watching ... As chives ... Chives. Second sister said: you ... You ... You ... Niang not ... Not ... Is called ... You do not ... Cannot ... Do not talk? little sister went on to say: good.. good in my ... I ... I ... No ... Didn't say. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Lisp a "Lisp" girls call a teacher teacher! girls: a long time not seen you!! you know who I am? ??? teacher: long time no see, how do you know who you are me. thought "Oh please!!, a long time no see, also asked this question, it really is. Nonsense ?!! " girl: I am a previous graduate student teacher: that's what you last name??? girl: my last name is" money "teacher:! money money? girls: not!" ㄚ dongqian "! (er Dong Chen) teacher: Sorry, the name ??? girls: the second word is" Geisha "teacher: which female singing Ah: Geisha of prostitutes! teacher: Haha what someone named!! with prostitutes about singing Ah girls: teacher!! don't I hippie smile wow!! girl: you haven't been a soldier, you do not know in Army Chief to see in the" harlot "??? (salutation) teacher: Oh, sorry!! the third word in the me. girls: the first three words ㄏ a ㄡ. (She also ㄏ a ㄡ. Le!!) teacher: Yes the girls: the third word is "evil" teacher: which rape Ah?? girls: rape rape Oh teacher: C'mon what someone would! ... (Words not finished and scolding) girls: teacher!! don't I hippie smile wow!! girl: you haven't read the Su (poems) Oh girl: you haven't heard we wish each other a long miles total "rape" non (cicada-Juan)-------------------------------------------------------------------------------mouth harp contest a goalkeeper at mouth harp contest. Defender misses, striker single pole. All nervous!, imitating the goalkeeper quick wits to whistle. Striker thought offside, stop. The goalkeeper's wedding. After the ball, then quarantine hair free kick. Referee whistle loudly. Defender closed handball, was sentenced to capital punishment. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------Port faster heart straight our 5 year old son is hooked on a motorcycle, a see you can't cry out: "Behold the future I will have a car!" my answer is always: "as long as I live. "One day, my son is PhonicsConversation, a motorcycle I chi. He pointed to shout: "look, look, I want to buy a car-waiting for my father's death I would buy!"-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- breath the same several glasses of wine at the belly, he was flying to cents to a woman behind earsplitting her arm: "make a dance. "When the woman back, he said:" I'm sorry, I thought you were my wife. "" I feel sorry for her, "woman," are you angry road is a typical incompetent husband. "" Strange, "he surprised," you can't even speak tone also like my wife. "-------------------------------------------------------------------------------Taste psychiatrists asking the initial consultation patients: " you said you came to see me, because your socks taste your family worried? " ", "patient base voice said," I like wool socks. " " This is not normal, "the doctor said," many people prefer wool socks, I own. ”“真的吗？”病人欢叫道，“你喜欢清蒸的还是炒的？”--------------------------------------------------------------------------------口误某君赴宴迟到。 Rush seat, a roast suckling pig in front, so much pleasure to say; "fairly well, I was sitting next to the suckling pig. " Words just export, only to find there a fat lady glaring, he hastened to accompany smiley said;" I'm sorry, I mean the only burning well. "-------------------------------------------------------------------------------Chewing gum aircraft is about to descend, the stewardess on the passengers said that" in order to make your eardrum won't be broken, use chewing gum. After the plane landed, a passenger found the stewardess said: "your method is really good, a little senses have no ears. " Stewardess said:" are you? "that would be great. "But", said, "you can tell me how to make chewing gum from the ears out?"--------------------------------------------------------------------------------cool untold a pregnant women in the labor pains began asking nurses: "can I wilful abuse against her husband?"-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- dying Mr. a doctor appointment, his wife to accompany him. The doctor examined his doctor wife after Mr. said, "your husband's illness is very serious, he needs some special treatment or he may die. " Wife replied," what kind of special therapy? what can I do for him what to do ? " doctors said: 1. every morning you have to prepare for his big breakfast, and then to a cheerful disposition and send him to work 2. he prepared nutrition lunch, when he came back in the afternoon so that he can safely rest rest. 3. when he came back in the evening, a sumptuous dinner must be prepared, and if his favorite food, never asked him to help you do household chores, don't complain or wordy to him his worry about a thing. 4. guarantee the respect of his sex life can be fully satisfied, if you can follow these steps, you will be able to fully recover, Mr. When Mr and his wife drove home, asked his wife said, "about my physical examination, the doctor say? " "you're dead. "His answer. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------矿场一个德国人，法国人，及一个中国人要到矿场工作。 Boss Germany, your body good. You are responsible for hard labour. In France, saying, "you say you are engineers. You are responsible for mining plan. "The Chinese people, he said," you are very small. You are responsible for the supply (supplies). " Then every other week, they go to. A few days later Germany and France were found that Chinese people disappeared. Looking for a long time after they decided it would be better to go back to work. Germany began work at the same time China suddenly jumped out, "Surprise!"-------------------------------------------------------------------------------Mineral water one day old friends get together, it comes to market the drink designs, a monarch interface said: we prepare for production of mineral water per unit, also ask many supporters. This language, the public outcry. Note: a work unit: waterworks monarch. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------愧对死者有个医生，每次从坟地走过都要用手蒙着脸。 "Why are you doing?" asked he. "In front of the deceased, I felt very ashamed. "He replied. "Why?" and "the deceased, there are a lot of people ... 都在我门下就过医……”--------------------------------------------------------------------------------来转运了”沙丁鱼沙丁鱼甲邀沙丁鱼乙去城里玩。 B: what we sit car go? a: Harbour subway. B: I don't go, there was like. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Lazy boy son: "Daddy's socks you wash my socks than he's also small, why you do not wash the small and large washing?" her mother: "Dad busy, you can also do this yourself. "Son soon clean socks. Mother: "you didn't wash, wash should be this ..." son: "this time cleaning up, the next time you wash?"--------------------------------------------------------------------------------abuse of uncool usually love abuse idiom. One day, he went to congratulate my friends wedding, the bride and groom toast to the guest. Uncool see bride pretty much, praise: "you today is ' devastated '. "Then he lifted his glass to the bride said," come, let us ' simultaneously '! "-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- waste time a: Lao Lao Li they really a waste of time. B : why? a: them all night playing mahjong, to rest until dawn. B: How do you know ? a: I watched the whole night!-------------------------------------------------------------------------------boss one person went into the pharmacy, on fat boss said: Please give me a pint of Castor seed oil fat boss had moved out from an aluminum ladder frame after the climb to the top of the storage room, opened the door and pick up a great keg oil will be filled in glass bottles to Yan, close the door, and then climbed down ladders will bottle to customers. At this point, another guest went into the pharmacy, said: the boss, give me a pint of Castor seed oil fat boss glanced above, climb ladders, DAO Hao oil, then the asthma hush hush the oil to customers the third man went into the pharmacy, fat boss: you'll have a pint of Castor seed oil? customer ecstasy, fat boss said that, please wait a moment!! fat boss climbed ladders, shut the door of the storage room, and then climbed down a ladder, a ladder into □ head, and then easily said:! now you can tell me what you want! third customer said: the boss, please give me half a pint of Castor seed oil--------------------------------------------------------------------------------Secretary of boss and "heard you quit the female Secretary, she made what wrong?" "I said to her, ' I love you. ' Not for a moment, she made this remark struck out, and let me sign it. ”--------------------------------------------------------------------------------老虎追蛇老虎追蛇，蛇窜到水里去了，老虎耐心地趴在河边守侯。 Half-ring, climbs up a turtle, Tiger a press and hold the road: "where to go and put on a vest and I know you!"-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- honestly choice football coach said: "the boys, today you have to share with the worldName of the team competition, hope you behave, honestly, and to strive for victory! " " you'd better say clearly that "certain players responded," either honestly contest or win! "-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- uncool an uncool never take a lift. That day, he came to a hotel, standing in the elevator door and saw a woman into the elevator, after a while, the elevator door opened again, out of a young beautiful girl, he had looked to the surprise: "Wow, if my wife brings. ”--------------------------------------------------------------------------------老婆父：你都这末大了，该找一个老婆了。 Daughter: Yes, but the crowd, I find who's wife?-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- elderly requests in post office lobby, a middle-aged man saw a lady holding a postcard in looked. After a while, the old woman came up to him, politely said: "Sir, please do me a favor. Help me in this postcard, write the address? " " of course. "Middle-aged people ensure that road, and follow the old requirements writing? " thanks, "said the old woman grateful," I don't want to ask for, but you give me write a short story, good ? " middle-aged man smiled, then put the cards over, according to her request written. "What is there to help of?" "well, there is one thing. "The old lady looking postcard said," could you please add the following sentence: ' word is grass, please forgive me. ' "-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Elderly and children an old gentleman walked slowly along the street and saw a little boy is enough of a Bell, but Bell is too high, you can't reach the heart of the old gentleman stopped on kids: " I'll help you hit the Bell. "So he worked off Bell, whole House heard ringing tone. Children at this time, but the old man said: "now let's escape, faster!" old gentleman: "..."-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- truth two eat a sponge of friends meet together. A: the "dude, I always see your pockets filled old envelopes, caozhi, cigarette case, I ask, what is this role?" b: "I eat with friends, will finish off right when, on the one hand, mouth says: ' I! I! ' on the one hand, from the clothes, take these old envelopes, paper shredder .... One by one, wait until you finish out, friends already posting paid money. " A:" my method and you are different. I ate something, always careful chew. so I eat with others. Always last ate. This means that hygiene, eat carefully and not to the East. "--------------------------------------------------------------------------------Foreigners of Christmas party Christmas is coming, foreigners want to party, but his single dorm is not big enough, so he borrowed from the old site in the business. Hi, Hello, I want to do with the body, but the family room is too small, would like to take the church a. ... -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Old joke a retired colonel in the army, he encountered the porters, porters also happens to be decommissioned, and the major hire him for the valet it! and they pay him as before calling him eight o'clock in the morning every day! getting up eight o'clock in the morning, the steward came into the bedroom of his master, called him up, and then in the Colonel's wife ass play, said: the home girl!!!--------------------------------------------------------------------------------old magician destroyed old magician shopping, see a maceration extract shop, plaque book "Bole pot", is pleased to table called dish: "Please come to a game of horse meat。 "The shopkeeper anger, warnings saying:" ruin our reputation, to bear legal responsibility! "told the waiter:" give me bang out! "-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- draped a miserly person, a hat to wear for 15 years. Then what is broken, do not wear out, to buy a new one. The market has always been only a hat shop, he walked up and said: "I came again. ”--------------------------------------------------------------------------------类似一对夫妻年纪大了，有时会讨论将来的事。 Husband: "if I die, what would you do? " wife thought for a moment, said to her lively personality, she will find a few more of her young single women or widows live together. 然后妻问夫：“那么，如果我先死，你又会如何做？”夫：“大概一样，与你说的类似！”--------------------------------------------------------------------------------冷战有一天…… Mr. Zhang and Zhang wife had the cold war. ... But neither of them is willing to talk with each other. So. The cold war has continued its personal with ... The next day. Mr. Zhang because early in the morning to meet ... So …. He took a note to Mrs. Chang ... Above wrote. 7: 00 tomorrow morning wake me up. The next morning. He woke up … Has 8: 00 ... He was anxious and gas ... But he found a note from the sidelines ... Write …. GUI. 7: 30. Also do not hurry up ...--------------------------------------------------------------------------------divorce a yanfu want and her husband divorced, went to talk to a lawyer said: "my husband told me. Lawyers asked: "under ?" woman replied: "I believe that he is not my baby's father. ”--------------------------------------------------------------------------------离职老黄跟小张在街上闲逛，巧遇旧时老黄的老板邓先生。 Old yellow immediately to Xiao Zhang said: this is Mr. Tang, used to be my boss, now is the big rich man! Mr. TANG to Xiao Zhang said: I can has today, is that Mr WONG's help! old yellow surprised to say: but I don't have to leave for years? Mr. Deng said: it is precisely for this reason!-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Li Hongzhang's story Li Hongzhang to go abroad to participate in the International Conference on the half-way to the bathroom., to service personnel find good place to go. Get a look at the person's household is toilet, Li, zhongtan never seen, do not know where it is convenient for you. But partial and swollen, Wow this anxious Ah. Finally asked ... Alas, there!?, Lee, zhongtan wore coats, sleeves and generous, so he pulled in the sleeve, then up a throw, up-to the left ceiling. Just then, a foreign Ambassador came in, looked up, well ???? Li, zhongtan face embarrassment to the Ambassador's side, took out a heavy Chinese gold coins, whispered: "I sent you a gold, you can never say this thing out. " Foreigners also whispered:" I'll give you ten gold, you tell me how I pulled up. "--------------------------------------------------------------------------------Li Qian story a cold weather also earlier this year, five-year-old Li Qian to accompany my mother on the Mall, Li Qian to buy the ICES eat, his mother said to eat cold weather hurts small dudu ICES. Li Qian said: "you help me to buy a home after Grandma steam me then eat." (2) at home to keep warm, Li Qian asked Grandma to eat ice cream, Grandma said that wait for you to wear a skirt when you can eat ice cream. Li Qian in another room to find small aunt help put on a mother last summer to help her buy flower skirt, and then to Grandma to her get ice cream. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------里？剧院正上演悬疑剧。 There is an audience too invested suddenly stood up : "killer? to quickly find !" another audience behind her cold said "If you sit down, killer behind you. ？--------------------------------------------------------------------------------里面有人张三胆小且迂腐。 One day, he saw a robber who entered the room, the door has written a note "non-call into" bandits one foot kick open the door. John quickly hid into the bedroom, and the door wrote "this road is blocked", the robber and a foot kick open the door. John and hid in a closet, robbers qiaolejixia door, heard the sound of a few inside cough after road "somebody". --------------------------------------------------------------------------------理发一名男子到理发店理发。 Man on the Barber said: "you take the left hair cut it short, the right hair make it down to my ears don't cut it, and then in the forehead to the hairless like I cut a big piece of the $ 5 coins, but also left a trail of hair, so that I can put it into a Chin there. " " Excuse me, Sir, "Barber said:" this I might do that. " " Do? "," customer anger drink is the last time you cut my hair become like this. ”--------------------------------------------------------------------------------历史故事小明老是缠着爸爸要他说历史故事给听。 One day, Bob said: "father, telling the story for others to listen to !" Daddy: "good ~ ~ once upon a time there was a frog .... " Bob:" alas! "someone to listen to the story !!!" Daddy: "good ~ ~ in Song dynasty, there is a frog .... ”--------------------------------------------------------------------------------连锁反应！！女歌手练唱时…… The next door neighbor's dog has been barking nonstop ... Female singers:: Mr. Wang ... Please make your dog not to call ??? Wang:: as long as you don't sing .... 它就不叫了！！--------------------------------------------------------------------------------两个酒鬼两个鬼在酒吧里闲聊。 A drunkard says: "woman is in trouble, I vowed never to marry. I have been married twice, first wife because eating poisonous mushroom poisoning and death, the second wife died in a fractured skull. " B drunkard surprised to ask:" was a nightmare! skull rupture of how ? " a drunkard carelessly said:" because she refused to eat the poisonous mushrooms. ”--------------------------------------------------------------------------------两个水兵一个驱逐舰上的水兵和一个在潜艇里干的水兵在聊天。 The sailors on the destroyer, said: "we ship that brought you those submarine called ' sea mouse '". That is laughter. The submarine sailors replied: "our boats that brought you those vessels called ' eyes-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- two hearts Xiao Wang accompanied just after cardiac surgery's father, a nurse came in asks " does this two days you father feeling "how? " Yes, my father went so far as to say that sometimes I feel like there are two heart beating. " " That's right, the operation of the thoracic surgeon in the last few days have been looking for his watch it "difficult-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- two drunks yesterday I eat in the ring street stall to see two drunks didn't leave me to die drunkard a: you drunk ? drunkard b: never drunk drunkard a:You say you're not drunk Ah you speak the tongue are short la drunkard b: your tongue nor long drunkard a: you said you didn't drink is!! (smooth and come up with a flashlight) drunkard b: dry? drunkard a: (flashlight), you see this flashlight not according to a light? drunkard a: you hadn't drunk just follow this light to me climb up drunk b: you're saying, I know! wait if I climb up your flashlight fell off I do ? my m. ｃ。 怎么还没来？？？--------------------------------------------------------------------------------了”准备小明生病了。 Dad busy call to tell the doctor. "The doctor. Before you come. I am the first to do those prepared ? " " money ready. ”医生十分肯定的回答--------------------------------------------------------------------------------猎鸭子某天，有个城市男孩到乡下去猎鸭子。 When he launched into a duck, a duck down to a farmer's private origin. Boy climb over the fence to pick his prey. But seeing all the farmer with a shotgun loudly said: "look here, the ducks are mine. " City boy replied:" but the duck is my shot, so duck should be mine. " Farmer said:" it fell on me, so I should be. " They have been debated, disputes over the ownership of the ducks. After the farmer said: "we should be guided by the traditional method. " City boy asked:" what is the traditional method ? " farmer explained:" first of all, I kick your groin and then you then Department. play my groin, like this one to play until one party abandoned. win can be a duck. " Willing to do anything to change back to the ducks City boy, agreed to this race. Stretch the legs back farmers make, do its utmost to boys of the Ministry of a kick in the groin. The pain of City boy down to groan agony. Ten minutes later, he tried to stand up to his throat and said: "now for me. " Farmer said:" Oh, the duck is yours, you can go back. "-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Temporarily change your mind frank and fred were convened on the same day, and received two people don't want to go to military service. But frank have heard people say that the military don't accept no teeth, so they both put all teeth to remove. In a physical check on that day, the two men in the same row, but there is a big guy, downy hair and odour and promises of truck drivers in their midst. When frank row ahead of the team, he checks the monitor said he had no teeth, the cadets to his mouth, then use the teeth in his gums around in a circle after said: Yes, you have no teeth, do not soldier! then turn to the truck driver, the officer said, you have any questions? truck driver said, I suffer from severe Nevus sores. The monitor to the guy bent forward to, with his index finger in the anus a complete turn back and said: that's right, your situation is very serious, unqualified! come round to fred that monitor asks: so your question is ? staring at his index finger, fred replied: no problem, monitor, and I did a little problem. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------Leadership (2) a leadership in the report said: "as Chairman Mao said: ' little worldwide, there are nine fly impingement '", the Secretary to quickly correct: ". "Leadership said:" nine Ah, I am not saying yet. "--------------------------------------------------------------------------------Leadership (3) a leadership in the report:" yesterday I to you women's officer's House, she touched me, and I felt her ... "field next uproar, breath a sigh of relief and leadership, said:" ... Of the situation. ”--------------------------------------------------------------------------------Leadership (4) a leadership read quotations from Chairman Mao: "human right is the fall from the sky!" and turned a page, a misdemeanor, aloud: "!". --------------------------------------------------------------------------------Leadership (5) plane flew across the Pacific in a leader, getting caught in a storm, the plane floor was the leader of the lift, and a quick dry and her bodyguard, firmly grasp can seize things, were hanging in the high-altitude flights. Everyone's teeth, breast, hold it down, just as the duck duck on the shelf as Akira wallowing. But we all have an aftermath of to laugh at one stage. Suddenly, a lightning aircraft, the aircraft became the glider slowly declining popularity. Experienced pilots that the aircraft load is too large, if load weight 100 kg, should be able to have the pull up hope. We looked at each other, but the last are silently watching fat and old leaders. Leaders understand their meaning, thought about it and said, okay, but I have a few words to say. We face a happy smile, ears, wondering how to go back to convey these words. Leader cleared his throat, paused and said: "my words out. As usual we snapped snapped up by hand. …… Then return to the leaders of the security. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------Leadership a leadership in the trade unions do learning spirit leifeng reports read draft says: "leifeng no death!" (and all the laughs and excitement) Secretary aside cool tip: spirit, spirit! leadership proudly went on audience said: "on the spirit of the moment!!"-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- one day, a soldier to see Chief, but the project for soldiers at the gate was stopped down to privates: that it's an emergency, must see Chief guard: you must be reported to the password before they can Xiaobing: can you accommodation? guard: not at this point is not wrapped in heart baby happy, to guard called road: you can only watch dog. At this point guards replied, well, come on in!-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- otherwise feared someone, be friends invited to attend a golf tournament for four people. "Sorry. "The man said," my wife has never been like I play golf. " " Why fear she? "another ball made fun of him:" you are a man, or a mouse ? " " I am a man. "The man said," but I was afraid of mice. ”--------------------------------------------------------------------------------流星雨女儿：妈妈！我明晚要跟男朋友去看流星雨耶妈妈：那要记得带雨衣呀。 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------Pop saying that Liu xiaoqing Liu aunt to ginger Shan meimei describes objects, the other is Beaux, yushu Lin Feng, ashamed of manly died, even Sung: big stars David Wang. : Both pointing by Liu aunt met in parks, on an "Heavenly cover ground Tiger,: pagoda town River demon", soon after the signal into the role. Circumstances: it is said that like buy clam oil on the box "pangshi"--both sides feel very satisfied. : David Wang came home, the excitement of a hostel didn't sleep, second day feel energized. : The unit is not free, work, hum the song: "love ginger-San, love matchmaker ...": do you want to, Ah, this literary circles, gossip spread fast, without lunch: message to Jiang Shan ears, a good marriage has unraveled. I heard that Liu xiaoqing: is therefore out of the marriage. ：流行歌曲，害人哪！--------------------------------------------------------------------------------六张 Wbr > a taxi driver, one night in the train station in front of the class that was going to go home and rest, a consequence of a lady said to the six (the previous night club), and then he hurried to drive, but a period of time thought it was odd why behind so quiet, and think: just said to six Zhang Li ... I will not be met "that" the bar ... ... 所以就觉得心里毛毛的，回头一看！！真的没人，碰到鬼了因此…… Are ill, see a doctor or treatment is not good, the altars to approach things go bad, no results are last resort when scheduling drivers to go visit him, several days didn't see him to inquire into the car, know the driver said: after peer on the day of the old lady just drive doors, you'll come away, so ...-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- to pass messages and, one day these interviews "," sub corpse simply reconnaissance of the Prosecutor said: "does this distinction have a corpse," he kill suspected??? "?"--------------------------------------------------------------------------------signs a visitor sees a block on the road across the front of the sign that reads: "this road is blocked, please bypass. " He walked a few steps and see no strange roads, think maybe however is a good joke, then continue. For a while, a bridge was blocking the road, he was angry. Go to road signs, he saw the signs of the back reads: "welcome back, you idiot!"-------------------------------------------------------------------------------travel three accounting and three engineers to go to the meeting. Three accounting bought three ticket, and three engineers just bought a ticket. Three accounting is wondering, it asked the three engineers, engineers said: "get on the bus. ＂…… Six people on the train, three accounting respective sitting in their seats, and the third engineer hiding in the carriage of toilets in the train, your ticket to the individual seat tickets. Finally go to the bathroom, knocked, said: "your vote!" the toilet door opens a crack, inside delivery out of a ticket, … Six people in the field open to finish after the meeting you want to return to the local feel, accounting practices good engineers, so only bought a ticket. But the engineers have a ticket didn't buy! accounting had wondered asked: "why didn't this back to you to buy tickets?" the engineer said, "you know that after boarding. ＂…… Six people on the train, three accounting hid the body hair of latrines, and three engineers in the other side of the toilet. Shortly after the train has just started, one of the engineers went to the three accounting hide the toilet door, knocked on the door and said: "your vote!"-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- travel adventure has two travelers specialized travel adventure everywhere, one day ... They met in a field in a big black bear, then they all feel very fear!! one traveler a. immediately busy wore his sneakers, traveler is a face b uncertainty of says: "are you sure you can run a black bear? ??" traveler a. says: "I don't know if I could run a black bear, but I know I just run win you just fine ..." traveler b: ...--------------------------------------------------------------------------------lawyers young lawyers in court to plead for his client. He listed the basic principles of the law and lengthy to explain his views. Judge to interrupt him, suggested that he direct description of the appeal, and attach a sentence: "you know, we are not idiots!" lawyers answered: "I'm sorry, my Lord." and "I have never thought of this." the killer in which-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Mahjong storm Pistacia vera to personally cooking cooking q was playing mahjong mother how much you want to wash the rice mother did not hear the question though ... Side will hand playing out side said: " drum"! results ... The one-pot meals let their home had a good week ...-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Mahjong Ming art not in essence, the money is not in the spirit; the four then line; is clear but the Mahjong entertainment. Listen to breaking broken Mody, haystack front-bumper finding Kham. You can build spirit live brain, has its force and night, without distinction between men and women, the four circles see outcome satisfaction do not. 赌鬼云： 何厌之有？--------------------------------------------------------------------------------马屁讨人喜欢甲：“我看猪的用途最大，浑身是宝！”乙，“我看马比猪的用途还大。 ”甲：“不见得。 " B;" the horse not only invigorating Po, even fart also pleasing. ”--------------------------------------------------------------------------------马戏团“爸爸，我来演马戏团里的大狗熊吧。 " " That I do ? " " you play that accompany bear playing uncle, keep delicious stuffed into my mouth. "-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Buy vegetables a hawker selling vegetables for a man called dish, with small fingers slipped in the scale bar pressure. Old man asked: "young man, you pass the ?" hawker said: "don't bring. Do you want to pass ? " old man said:" your little fingers, not sell me? I got cut off. "-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Buy tape someone to audiovisual Bookstore tape, the salesman asked him to light music not, he said: the severity of the thing, I was driving. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------买甲鱼父亲对儿子说道：“你去买两只甲鱼，须要活的。 " Son:" dead and live to see that? " father said:" as long as the pendulum in the water, if you don't swim, is dead. " Infants should be a command to run into the street. Waiting for a long time, see a turtle, which he ran past, chose two maximum, and then ran to the River, the turtle drop of water. Turtle saw water. On the tour. He sold turtle said: "this is a live! you want to sell a few per Jin?"-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- buy shoes lady would like to buy a pair of leather shoes, she chose to pick the last serious on sales people say: "well, you took my first look of the pair took to me!" and "I'm sorry," the sales clerk says, "you are the first pair of one-hour has bought out. ”--------------------------------------------------------------------------------买书女：“亲爱的，咱们马上就要结婚了，买本书送我作纪念吧。 ”男：“好。 Salesperson's comrades, you pick the ' recipes ' "--------------------------------------------------------------------------------long payment period a man walked into credit unions, as a baby bed turn of the last instalment payments. "Thank you," the Manager said, "now this kid?" and "Hey," the man replied, "I'm fine. "--------------------------------------------------------------------------------An error in busy Chairman for the party, at the company gate snapped jumped on a taxi, and shouted:" I'm in a hurry, hurry! only twenty minutes! "that will open the evening news on hand. Has been watched more than ten minutes, he looked up and saw that the car still at the company gate, he was angry, was about to find drivers, only to find angry car didn't in the driver. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------盲肠医生诊断之后，对患者说"你必须割除盲肠。 " Patients was surprised to say," did not survive the cecal can also ? " " you can live, but we are not doctors. "-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Cats didn't wake up neighbors:" last night, your wine and drink too much: "play:" How do you know ? " neighbors:" my cat ate you spit stuff, are you still didn't wake up! "-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- towel soup mother is the kitchen towel with scalding, disinfection, small trots pointing to the ongoing risk of gas cooking pot asked:" mother, there is ? " " is a towel. "Little hesitated for a moment and said:" I do not know the original towels can also be soup! "--------------------------------------------------------------------------------can't again bite son:" Daddy, last night my girlfriend said, what do you want me to take out $ 5000 buy gold rings, and gold necklaces, she will marry me. Man: "are you married ?" Miss: "yet. " Man:" do you have children ? " Miss infuriated altogether. Man said to myself that the next time you can't ask. Back then and a woman to dance. Man: "do you have children ?" woman: "there are two. " Man:" are you married? "-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Mosha knowledge is said that some wealthy couples are rich but nothing knowledge, the Lady is a veritable" wallet full, head empty "one day, a lady to a restaurant that listen to the next table two college students talk about Chinese classical writers" Cao Xueqin "the wife wants to pretend knew many people, so it will be very happy to say:" Cao Xueqin! I talked to him very well ! yesterday me and him playing mahjong, this morning I also see him riding 304 to Taipei station ! " side of people cannot but secretly laughing he ... Meal, Lady carriage returns, and what had just happened to tell him of it, he always can't figure out what those people in what laugh?? Mr. after listening to him and called him laughed: "stupid! you in Taipei live so long didn't know 304 without Taipei station???"-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- did not expect in a crowded bus, play a hand bags with one hand and hold the handrail, behind him a beautiful young girl, with auto travel, now the body on his back, now and with a hand on his shoulder, the Mummy's back, and see her provocative smile, Lao felt very comfortable. Car to the station, girlsAlighted, Lao also reluctantly looked at her. The car far, Lao also bathed in a sweet. Suddenly, he found his wallet was gone, realized: "this woman. I thought it was a style issue, an economic issue! "-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- no vision day after school, a guy all the way to follow me, entanglement. When he arrived home, little brother to see that people also outside the door stands not far away, he volunteered to go to the detonation. Little brother cried out: "no eye that sees my sister!"-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- will not husband: married for many years, I found that you are a weak man. Do you think I ? wife: I think you have no will. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------梦见足球赛老师，真对不起，我又迟了。 This is because I dream of a football. This and the late again? Bob, please explain. Teacher, you do not know, I dreamed of a football game was fierce, they both draw and extension of the time. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------Recipe I pray the 40 and old and bald, anxiety, rule 1 appeared on advertisements, baldness remedy's wedding, immediate money transfer by mail order. A few days later received a reply: "would you like a wig or a hat. "-------------------------------------------------------------------------------Secret women a:" she told me that you tell her that I told you not to tell her secret. " Women b:" I told her not to let her tell you that I told her. " Women a:" my God, stop telling her that I told you she told me. ”--------------------------------------------------------------------------------免洗餐具小李每天都会去转角的一家自助餐用餐。 But he found the buffet Plates bowls and more each day dirty!? one day he finally couldn't resist ... Xiao LI: "why do your dishes look so are not clean?" boss: "my daily exertion of washed, but are not washed clean !?" Xiao LI: "why don't you try out health-free washing ?" boss: "what is warranted by Soren tampon!! utensils, what can !" Xiao LI: "How can you, clean and sanitary. ”老板：“可是卫生棉那么贵，一天要用掉多少，多浪费成本啊？”小李：“#*/%！--------- YOUHT整理--------------------------------------------------------------------------------上一页　　　　下一页中国笑林汇篇卷五--------------------------------------------------------------------------------妙计陆先生造房子，有一大堆碎砖要运走，工人说要两辆卡车。 Mr. Lu said: "workers do not have to be spent transportation! you dig a hole on the open space, bury it. "Workers:" then, out of the mud on the where to? "and" you're stupid, the hole dug deep, not buried down together. "--------------------------------------------------------------------------------Sensitive modern people old m home after complaining to his wife:" modern man is sensitive, you can have terrible say something, they all think you are telling them! "wife narrowed his eyes, the alert said:" you're not referring to me? "-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Wise answer a professor to the stalls want to buy something to eat. "Do you have a brain ?" he asked one of the best selling food scraps. Sell food scraps of glanced at the professor said: "I didn't mind that professors have a brain, you find him. "-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Mozart also said one day, one-bit surface nausea, engaged in the work of the cat, who was holding is in the coffee shop and a bit months he has been pursuing, and love of classical music's Amy talking cat even eight poles are not of Mozart and his good friend, is the local police of Amin happened to be passing, I heard they are mouth spray straying high on Mozart, XING and language with irony asks "! Mozart out new album Oh ?! " cat: "% $ ' Juan: "original ..."-------------------------------------------------------------------------------hen a hen is comfortable to hatch their eggs suddenly, an egg from it's ass off simply drill out of the hen: what do you do run ? small eggs: you ... You ... Hen you fart!: @ # $ * & ...-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- hen's legs xueyou: "Dad, why hen's legs are so short?" Daddy: "fool, even this point do not know if the hen's legs! long, do not lay eggs, the egg is broken?"-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- cow farm harvesting time provisionally employed young truck driver help. We told him to select a landmark in order to identify the switch to the farm. On his first day at work, the first two round farms are very easy, and the third is lost. "You have not selected any signs so you remember where to turn?", I asked the driver. "Wow ~" he answered, "but those cows gone …. ”--------------------------------------------------------------------------------母亲和女儿母亲对女儿非常生气。 "This is the modern young man!" she said. "16-year-old on his boyfriend, but forgot his mother's 32-year-old birthday!"-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- mother and daughter mother daughter very angry. "This is the modern young man!" she said. "16-year-old on his boyfriend, but forgot his mother's 32-year-old birthday!"-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- mother and daughter mother daughter very angry. "This is the modern young man!" she said. "16-year-old on his boyfriend, but forgot his mother's 32-year-old birthday!"--------------------------------------------------------------------------------which laziest rich along came begging for three of the beggar said which most lazy, I'll give a thousand a: I already have three years to work every day, just shake the $ 1000, a soup to me! b: three years what surprising! I have never worked, money should give me c: I too lazy to reach out to a party in my pocket!--------------------------------------------------------------------------------which sugar best a dress stylish young men to buy sugar, he saw the colorful candy, is pleased to says: "Wow, what the hell, here's sugar cover! Hello, what kind of sugar the most delicious ?" shop looked at him and said: "If you eat it, the best kouxiang lined. ”--------------------------------------------------------------------------------Underwear thieves of cry police phone suddenly rang ... "Here is the travel school exclusively in Kaohsiung meal, underwear thieves into the girl's dormitory!!! please you'll send someone over to you??" rush voice from the telephone that head came. "Hmmm ....??? hear your voice, you are the man!!! you are the wardens???" police to be suspected of ask. "Not now!!, I was an underwear thieves ...." sounds more and more rapid passes from the head ... "Oh ... how it is!! a!??" police asked of the micro-anger. "Come on ... I am surrounded by them ... Lives are in danger!!! "underwear thieves cry answer ...--------------------------------------------------------------------------------that is me " heard that last meeting you under the table and fell asleep. "" I have heard about it, someone to go to doze under the table, but don't know if it's not me. ”--------------------------------------------------------------------------------奶妈“这张照片上的人是谁？”“哦，是我奶妈。 " " How you have two a nanny? " " no one is my Grandma, one is my mom. ” “啊！”--------------------------------------------------------------------------------奶瓶动物园管理员对游客说：“不必害怕。 The lion is very tame: it is a large bottle feeding. " Visitors:" I am also a big bottle feeding, but I like to eat meat. ”--------------------------------------------------------------------------------男孩？女孩？甲：你看那玩球的小孩，到底是男孩还是女孩？乙：是女孩，她是我的女儿。 A: Oh ... Sorry, I didn't know you were her father. B: No. ... 我是她妈妈……--------------------------------------------------------------------------------男孩儿童用品商店送给每位顾客的孩子一个气球。 A boy wants to two, the clerk said: "we're sorry, but we just give each child a balloon. Your home there brother? "the boy is very sorry to say:" no, I don't have a brother, but my sister has one brother, I want to give him a collar. "--------------------------------------------------------------------------------Man" mistake " friend said to me, a man with three" accidentally ": marriage is wrong, the baby is errors, divorced is the" enlightened ". -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Men of ideas a College of Agronomy flower Miller, summer returned home, a neighbor of a lady would like to raise chickens get rich, to consult his Miller provided under Lady sheds, various data such as eating chicken and told her about 30 breeding hen and only one or two cock more appropriate. At the end of the summer holidays, Miller to go to see your own vision "was the implementation of the" how, but he stayed in the chicken house look. It addition 30 hen, there are 30 big cock. "Wife, 30 hen, as long as one or two cock is enough. Cock too much, and you cannot lay eggs, instead of wasting food. "" You mean, a couple of cock has so many hens? "neighbor wife flushed face said. "It is. "" This is just the idea of you man, I don't do it! "--------------------------------------------------------------------------------men judges famous men took a day off and decided to go golfing. second hole, he found that there is a frog in the grass. He doesn't serve to prepare at the same time he heard it: "melon melon. Nine iron. "He looked at the frog wants to prove that the frog is wrong, so he put his balls aside, took a nine iron. Touch!, struck out his ten feet away from the hole. He is shocked. He frog said, "Wow, mysteriously. You must be the only fortunateMigration of frogs, is ? " frog replied" melon melon. Lucky Frog. "Man decided to take the frog to the next hole. "Do you think?" asked the man. "Melon melon. 3 wood. " Men took 3 wood went on ... Touch!, a hole. The pleasure of not knowing what to say. At the end of the day, the men got the highest score ever. He asks the frog said "well next to the ?" frog replied, "melon melon. Las Vegas. " Them to Las Vegas, a man asked" well, frog, then to ? " frog said," melon melon, roulette. "They came to the side, the man asked the wheel," do you think I am going to bet ? " frog replied" melon melon. $ 3000, 6 of Spades is now only 1% of "chance to win, but after playing golf, men have confidence ... Touch!, several tons of money from the other side of the table pushed up. Man with his win to money to buy hotel rooms. He sat down on the frog, the frog, "I don't know how to repay you. You help me win so much money, I'll be forever grateful to you. "The frog replies," melon melon ... I !! " he think is wrong, since the frog as he won so many, so this is what he should do. A kiss after the frog into a beautiful 15-year-old girl. " " Things through, Court, and that is why this girl at my house. ”男人对法官说。 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Men and women "life women need men," the wife to her husband said: "However, the same man without woman. "" Man why do I need a woman? "asked her husband. "If there is no woman in the world, who will give men's trousers nail buttons?" and "If there is no woman in the world, who also need pants!"-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- men and women before marriage, women look forward to a man; married a woman suspected of men; and the man had died, the woman began to respect him. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------Men and women definition of successful man is able to earn more than the wife to spend the money. Successful woman is able to find such a man. Men are willing to pay 2 dollars in value of the dollar and is what he wanted. Women are willing to pay a dollar in the value of the second block of money but it's not that she wanted. Woman looking marry after he will change, but he will not. After she married men expect will not change, but she will. Women have been worried about the future, until she found her husband. A man never worried about the future, until he found his wife. Married men than no married men live longer, but married men who all want to die. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------男人与女人的秘密想看清一个女人的真面目，要在她卸妆之后。 Want to see the true face of a man, you want to talk to him after the break. Want to know the men and women of emotional situation will depend on the attitude of their time to pay. When a man does not see billing will pay and generous tip, he is pursuing this woman. When he began to pay attention to the statement of the project, he has turned the woman choruses. When he began a search statement, and complained that the charges are too high, he told the woman feeling very stable ... When he was only glanced at a glance billing and paying by the woman, the woman has become his wife, master the economic power. When a woman does not see billing, only pay attention to how much to tip man, she had just begun and the man. When she started to pay attention to the items on the Bill and asked the men don't pay too much tip, she has been in love with this man. When she complained that the man looked up the billing and batch to blame for his tips too stingy, she does not love this man. When she began going through billing and blaming men pay too many tips, she has become his wife. Women are willing to pay for four reasons: Br > 1. She is his wife. 2. a man she had just received a precious gift, conscience, profitability spitting back. 3. He was her lover, she wanted to show off her life is better than him. 4. the man delusion pursuit of her, she wants to put a contusion his pride ... If a man and a woman struggling to pay the Bills, they can't be lovers. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------男子汉甲：“当我工资后，你猜我会怎么办。 ”乙：“交给老婆。 ”甲：“不，存到银行。 ”乙：“这才是男子汉。 " A:" and then put the book to my wife. ”--------------------------------------------------------------------------------南方语有一位先生不学无术，却装成学贯中西的样子到处吹牛。 One day, his neighbor, he read a letter to the times. He serves as a good half-day, in fact, a universal do not know, he asked neighbors: "where the letter sent by ?" neighbor answered: "is sent from the South. " Mr. , breathed a sigh and say:" Oh, no wonder I didn't know that the letter was written by using the phrase in the South. ”--------------------------------------------------------------------------------难分难舍有一对情侣…… The man gave the girls home ... Because the atmosphere was very good ... Is it hard to ... Then the bride's House tone her ... ... After a moment ... The lights flashed upstairs. Thumpin' boom ... Her father down ... Open the door ... Look very bad said ... "Kid ... You ... Without the consent of and after I and my daughter out ... Also so late to take her back ... Also at the door to make this move ... I do not and you care about that… but ... Please do not press on the doorbell? ... "--------------------------------------------------------------------------------you can eat was I? 1 out a hooligan, bus very crowded, but by virtue of the spirit of Valor straight before still occupy a seat. Is block, suddenly heard on complacency ear a carers voices: "young man, you're sitting in my lap and I had to collapse, you then up and down a fibrillation, I ... Oops, "alfy face, stood up, but still zuiying:" you exclaim? you mouth Hin? mouth it big you can eat me? "and" cough, cough ... Guys, this is not afraid, I am a Muslim. ”--------------------------------------------------------------------------------你跑得太慢了黄昏的时候，我在产业道路上慢跑。 A young man ran up from behind me, in my ear obliquely shouting: "run !" "what happened?" asked the young man beside me. "Hurry up and running. "Young man ran to the front of me. I quickly ran after 500 meters, the panting of the question: "what had happened ?" "you ran too slowly. "Young people leave me, own ran away. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------你瞎了吗？？？？在繁荣的市区发生交通意外，两辆小轿车迎面相撞。 One of the drivers had shouted: "are you blind ?" another driver who was the humiliation, Rangel: "who said that? I'm not putting you into a positive?-------------------------------------------------------------------------------age silly girl: do you see me? neighbor: 44 years. Silly girl: How do you work out? neighbor: I have a 22-Year-old brother, half than you silly!-------------------------------------------------------------------------------age old farmer was his wife's death, the matchmakers a 34, five-year-old woman, marriage, wedding night, the old farmer: what do you think of the bride is not as 34, five years old, so he couldn't ask bride: "to the end some age?" at first bride also would not say, but not in the old farmer has been asked before we ever wanted to say: "the people of 47, 8-year-old. "For this answer, the old farmer or a grain of salt and said:" we both is done, you may wish to tell the truth, what? "the bride doesn't want this question has been asked so much, said:" so good, I tell you the truth, you don't ask, I just filled the 55-year-old this year. "" The 55-year-old! "old farmer was surprised, but some do not believe, however, been embarrassed to ask it, old farmer looks at the time, found already late, he got up on the bride said," I want to go to the kitchen. "The bride asked:" so late, going to the kitchen to do? "old farmer replied:" I want to go into the kitchen and put the lid to the salt, or I this mouse will play at night up to steal the salt. "That said, the bride heard laughs out of said:" I live a 67-year-old, and had not heard of the mouse, then things will be eaten. ”--------------------------------------------------------------------------------念祭文有个家庭的大家长去世了，请来一名念祭文的师父。 But the master of education degree is not high, the characters do not know a few, so there is such a joke. The section of says: "ungrateful Peacock branch unfilial daughter-in-law pool 's, not filial attitude both Sun Pan and then master began to groom" recited style: "ungrateful: Muscovy Kim Doo" see the eldest flipping up the loop maneuver to begin. Master again read: "disgrace daughter-in-law also Thi" so he is conducting with churned somersault. Finally, the master again read: "disgrace Sun Sun Muscovy twice" with churned somersault. Thus, the entire morning, see the whole person in tumbling ...--------------------------------------------------------------------------------you are doctors? a patient to the hospital. When the doctor read the disease, the seeming patients holding looked at, and asked: "are you a doctor?" and "do you have any questions?" and "you write the words I have understand?"-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- cattle of someone passing by wheat fields, there is no head up the Horn on cattle farmers, asked, "why this cow is not the end up the Horn on?" farmers said: "why not up the Horn on cattle, because there is no inheritance. Some because and other cattle, vertex and lost, so is off sick. "And the head," he said "not up the Horn on, it is because he is a donkey"-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- farmer and scholars farmer and scholars with a boat, sailing on the River. idle boredom, decided to do the guessing game lost people who decide, 2 if scholars lost, pay $ 10 to the farmer, while paying $ 5. farmer: "what in the River weight 500 kg and 10 kg on shore only?" scholars contemplated shall be paid to the farmer, was $ 10 £ ® go ask the farmer to a puzzle, the farmer: "I don't know," and find back to scholars $ 5. scholars all ears. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Girls driving day saw a girl alone on benz convertible, then saw her right turn lights flashing, then saw her out of his left hand, and hand back. "You have to turn right or left ?" "I, of course, is to turn right !" "that you lend a hand to back is also said ?" "I want to nail polish air dry!"-------------------------------------------------------------------------------climbing one year they climb climbing Club. There are a couple of very close together. When they go to when surrounded by preparing attack range. The weather suddenly turns bad. But they insist on it. So stayThe woman's look at the camp. Results after three days and haven't come back. That woman was a bit worried. Thought might be delayed because of weather. Oh wait, the seventh day. Finally we came back. But her boyfriend. Peer to tell her. In the attack, the first day of her boyfriend's tragic death. We get back in the first seven. Thought he might be back to you. Then they became a circle. Let the woman sitting in the middle. To express 12: 00 suddenly her boyfriend was blood rushed in. A pulled her out. His girlfriend effect called it told of struggling vigorously. When her boyfriend told her. The ridge in the attack on the first day of the occurrence. All people are dead but he is alive ...--------------------------------------------------------------------------------flattering section said: "may I ask how you want to shoot Kiss can be successfully promoted Chief? " Minister said: "the" is "survival," not "are eliminated. ”--------------------------------------------------------------------------------拍马屁科员说：“请问要如何拍长官马屁才能顺利升官？”部长说：““是”者生存，“不是”者淘汰。 "-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Queued patiently power on dismissal of workers says: " heard, do you want me to death to the cemetery on my grave spitting? " workers said:" rest assured, I've changed my mind, I do not have queue of patience. "-------------------------------------------------------------------------------Crab once upon a time, traffic is not developed in the mountains, mountain man few people eat seafood, only listen to the elders of the people said things, fresh sea, delicious. Once, a person outside the mountain mountains, from the mountains of the market to buy back a big small crabs copper coins. Home, family are particularly pleased that, as soon as possible to fill it up with water in the pot (rural to classmates know how big the pot), and then thrown into the crab pot, covered with lid, point to start a fire and cook crab soup. Pan is opened, the whole family a big bowl, drink, say this soup really fresh. Drink the soup, the children of his mother went to brush pot, but found crabs in a pan on the climb way off. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Ran to asylum there will be a village rumors being struck, the villagers each do defense readiness, and the village of young girl hid in caves, to protect you from being a bully is panic, suddenly see an old woman hurried to the cave drill villagers: Po, your age so much, not to asylum old resentfully said: being there are old now!!-------------------------------------------------------------------------------spouse Cardiff: from the side, I was stronger than you, but I'm better than you. Wife: which is better than I ? Cardiff: my spouse is your spouse. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------配偶妻：从各方面看，我都强于你，唯有一点我不如你。 Husband: what do better than I ? wife: my spouse is your spouse. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------配套营业员：“好消息，新出版的《电子原理》，买一本送一本！”顾客：“为什么？”营业员：“A copy of the original book, this is the errata "lift-------------------------------------------------------------------------------cookery mother daughter said:" today you to practice the same food, cooking, I taught you. Yellow croaker, straw had head cook. The bamboo shoots to cut faster, cut a knife, go here. "Daughter promised. Stop time mother to kitchen it a look, big surprise. I saw her daughter's head, straw bundle. Body on the floor just spinning around, put a knife to cut the bamboo shoots. Her mother, cried: "amazing! dizzy!"-------------------------------------------------------------------------------liar a rural girl Standing tall overpass the number on the number of layers, a con artist came up: "that counted several layers of a fine layer of? 5. "The girl said:" the number fifteen layers. "Paying the money, an onlooker said:" How can you be so silly! "the girl said:" he is stupid! I took him. I counted 18 layers! "--------------------------------------------------------------------------------fares of learning I invited a never seen movie friends went to see a movie. The film received a lens is the actress lying in bath in bath. He saw the lens when suddenly stood up, and sat down and said to himself: "no wonder the upstairs downstairs expensive fare. "-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- On art a bit young to reveal their talent before the girlfriend, his sketch out let her enjoy. "Yes, and my brother drew level counterparts. "My girlfriend said. "Your brother is doing fine arts professional?" and "no, he is the third year of elementary school students. "-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Broken heart Xiao Wu drink after his girlfriend to marry him to wax, he saw his girlfriend does not promise that they says: " do not want to let me take this heart to you out ? " unexpectedly, a cold wind blowing, he only felt a acid throat," wow "me up, Xiao Wu very embarrassed, Teresa:" it was a whole, and never thought out becomes a beach break the spit. ”--------------------------------------------------------------------------------妻之子阿憨的妻生了儿子了，亲戚朋友都向他道贺。 Ah Gong on everyone said: "my son nor I, he and I ?" laughter. His wife died of shame to his fate father tongue. Father: "so who sang of?" replied: "my wife's health. "He who also applause laugh. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------Miracle b two people in the contend there is such thing as a miracle: Suppose someone fall down from the third floor, but okay, not a miracle is? b: that's lucky a: If the man who fell but didn't injuries? b: that's luck a: if they fall and okay? b: Oh, that's highly trained!-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- exotic chicken a dancer on a guage boast: "your talent is not me, you do a cock this resort-style time cannot be longer than me. "Littleness replied:" Yes, but any chicken than you! "-------------------------------------------------------------------------------cycling morning, a girl in the country road to school by bike. suddenly found in front of an old man, I was very scared. cannot help out is:" man, do not move ! " man was standing still, but the girl or not partial failure of the old man knocked down to the ground. The old man got up slowly, the girl said: "so you want me to stand still is to be aimed at the hit when a target ..."---------------------------------------------------------------------------------Beggar roadside stood was wearing dark glasses of beggars: titled "the old lady, well, my eyes could see nothing. " " Your eyes see, and don't know that I am old lady? " " Oh, sorry, I just remember me blind friend from another class. " " Your friends? "asked the old woman curious. "He went to the cinema. ”